Have you heard? I’m not surprised! He’s been so quiet about it. Why is he such a secret-keeper?
Randy Palmer has been lying to all of us for years, and it’s time someone blew the whistle. You know what? That someone is REAL BAD FRIEND. We have the dirt on Randy Palmer, and we’re going to expose him as a complete piece.
Where do we begin, Randy Palmer? Where indeed… Oh fuck it, here’s a list of Randy’s Dirty Little Secrets that the public should know.
- When Randy was in the 7th grade, he used to pray every night that his mom would have a miscarriage, ultimately keeping enough money unspent that he would get an ATARI 2600.
- He chews Nicorette and offers it to people when they ask him for gum.
- Uses Craigslist to find lonely people, and then emotionally attacks them, badgering them into submission and finally murdering them, hiding their bodies in remote locales.
- He once fellated another man in the middle of the 1989 season.
- He cheated on his BAR exam. Not cool.
- He follows girls when they walk out of bars and knocks on their car windows after they get in and tells them to get out of the car for a sobriety exam. He just likes to tease.
- Randy simplifies his fractions but doesn’t show his work – we’re not sure of it, but it’s so unclear that we are relatively certain he hands in someone elses answers when we collect the homework.
- Supports Ron Paul.
- Likes having a gun rubbing against his teeth.
- Hand makes towels – hand towels, beach towels, cooking towels… he does it all.
Have you heard any of Randy Palmer’s dirty little secrets that we’ve forgotten? Comment.
Filed under: Jim, Lists 4 Life | Tagged: Atari 2600, Predator, Ron Paul, Secret, tease, Towel
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHa my name is randy palmer and i googled it and got your website fucking hillarious. i’m a musician from ogden utah and i doubt i’m the person your talking about but still HAHAHA even if i was. i’m going to print this shit out and post it at the bar i work at. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
thanks for the laugh.
Hahah – this is fantastic.
No worries. Thanks for not suing for Slander, because let’s face facts – this Randy Palmer is a real piece.
You on the other hand, Randy Palmer from Ogden, Utah – you’re a musician who works at a bar.
Is it true that booze in Utah don’t get me drunk?
WAIT. DOES THIS NEW RANDY PALMER HAVE A SECRET???
HOW DO YOU KNOW THIS!!!11!1!!
My name is Randy Palmer, I’m from Flin Flon, Man. and THIS IS MY LIFE!!!!11!!
I want to know how you people came up with this information and what you did to get it. You might think you;re really smart by posting this on the internet, but it’s my life.
I do what I do on Craigslist because of the porn. And only because of the porn.\
The BAR is overrated and you know it.
You shouldn;t have to show your work doing fractions, because if your smart enough you know it already, and no one should be able to question your work,
Towels? I have a hobby SO WHAT!!!111
I see that another Randy Palmer has fallen into our proverbial grasps.
It seems as though we’ve struck some resounding chords here Randy. A little too on the nose? I think we are.
Go ahead, Randy… WHAT ARE YOUR OTHER SECRETS!?! TELL US! YOU CAN’T RUN!!!
booze in utah will get you drunk, i prefer tequilla. The beer here sucks ass you have to drink shots with it. 3.2% alchohol beer.
Guess this is the boy from the Kickboxing Place? Funny, visited, his place, and every facet of it, is crap. Including, your advice-randy.Cause, ya know who I really am. Flipside, your thoughts, on how a double ball, should be hit, there, is no wonder, your ears, are busted. You don’t know how to punch, no rotation, on base leg, reaching, like a beginning MMA chump,that got beat. The equipment,is used, for timing, combinations, footwork.I been in the game 20 yrs. too.Don’t give bad advice, I, hesitated, but, decided, not to embarrass, you, then. But, someone needs to school you, bro.